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Burning Man was a great adventure with lots of ups and a few downs (that led to big ups). I went into the event wanting life direction and a vision for living and balancing my career. After being out there for several days, I didn't think the direction I needed was going to present itself. Early Sunday morning I took a solo ride out to the Temple. I started reflecting on my week at BM, the people I had met and where I fit within the Burning Man world. I felt like a mentor, teacher, and guide.

Up until the point of riding out to the Temple, I felt like my world view was a million piece puzzle and I was frantically trying to make it all fit together and make sense of the image. I felt angry, frustrated, mean, overwhelmed, unloved and completely misunderstood. The harder I pushed, the harder my days became. When I was on the fence about going to Burning Man, the need for life direction kept winning out.

As I approached the Temple I started crying. My heart hurt with gratitude, forgiveness, acceptance, openness and wonder.  Every person I met, every encounter was pushing me to this point in the week. I felt quiet, reflective, open, humbled and craving life again. The feeling of acceptance of who I am, where I fit, what I bring to life started to connect the puzzle into a recognizable shape. The word ‘therapist’ kept coming to mind. Did I need one? Did I want one? Oh. I am one.

I spent several hours at the Temple reading words, notes, poems, apologies.. I could feel the weight of emotion left with those words. I climbed the stairs to the third tier of the temple and looked out on the city. A city of splendid sleeping souls, comforted by freakish eccentricity.  I walked around the structure crying and stopping to reflect. I thanked the Anderson’s for loving me wholly and keeping me buoyant. I thanked the artists for their time and energy. I thanked the sun for shining and reminding us of its harsh love, sometimes our love needs sun block. I thanked my camp for being supportive, loving, appreciative and wacky. I thanked my absent friends for gifting me their light.

Somewhere along the journey I realized my purpose was not for myself, it is for those around me. It was the first time I realized I had selfishly wanted out, not realizing what that would mean to my family and friends.

I left the temple with direction, focus and gratitude. I haven’t been happy in IT for awhile and my summer off last year highlighted my need for flexible work life. Monday through Friday, nine to five isn’t the life I want to live. Even with a great company, great benefits and lots of opportunity, I feel stifled and anxious a lot of the time. I decided to head back in a career direction I’ve thought about many times, at different points in my life, Psychology. I’d like to go back to school to become a Therapist. I’m not sure how it will manifest, but having that word/ idea in my head has eased a lot of tension and frustration for me.

I’m taking my decision to go back to school as a breath of fresh air in my life. I’ll need to take some pre-req’s, look into school options for graduate programs, and go out into the community to try different approaches and techniques. My current thoughts are to stay in the Bay Area, take some prerequisite classes and try to get into a graduate program by the fall of 2011. The idea of working with people to help them meet their goals and challenges brings me a lot of joy. I’m also looking forward to having my own practice down the road and maybe kick the 9-5 habit.

Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for supporting me and giving me space to be myself. I understand how privileged I am and I hope to continue to appreciate this beautiful world.

Love, Lacie




31 Day Gym Challenge

On Tuesday January 27, 2009 I read an article on msn about people who committed to do one thing everyday for 31 days. One woman called her mother everyday, another talked to at least one stranger everyday, and another did one minute worth of push-ups everyday. The point of the article was that little life changes can make significant changes in how you perceive yourself and how you feel about yourself. So I thought about it and realized I'd gone to the gym three days in a row, and decided that my 31 day challenge had started and I wanted to feel badass when I was done. I succeeded!

It was hard, but my goal was to prove to myself I could make time in my schedule for working out. I think somewhere in the back of my head I was hoping I'd magically be skinny with abundance of happiness (the opposite of what I was feeling), but I gained so much more. I have muscles where I've never had them before, I tried all kinds of new machines and activities, met new people, got more comfortable at the gym and consistently found a little zen amongst all kinds of different people (and their people pollution). I learned that in the past I closed down when I entered the gym because of shit in my head, but also because I absorb other people's emotions and feelings (people pollution) and I was allowing that to happen instead of recognizing my shit versus other peoples.

One interesting pattern I was surprised by was my lack of yoga practice. Usually yoga is my go to exercise when I want to get fit, but I only did a formal yoga class once (the very last day actually). I incorporated yoga into my stretching routine, but it wasn't a primary activity. Very different from earlier points in my life where yoga would have been the primary and weight lifting and cardio would have been secondary. I felt a lot stronger when I was in the yoga class, as if I'd pushed past some strength barrier's I'd come up against in the past. I was able to do a fully balanced crane pose for the first time during this 31 day challenge.

I'm considering extending my 31 days to 90 days. I'd like to get more comfortable with climbing, get stronger all around, be able to do push-ups, chin-ups and the hang-board consistently. I'm kind of amazed that the 31 days went so quickly. Suddenly I was almost done, struggling through the last couple of days.

I highly recommend finding something a little hard in life that you can challenge yourself to do everyday.The results will be surprising, unusual and fun.


crochet darlings..

There is a new beginning crochet group started on LJ: http://community.livejournal.com/novice_crochet/

<3 Lace
eeep. tummy hurts.. had dinner at 3Point and they laced my food with bacon. uhm, i don't eat bacon. I think I would like it more if it didn't come from an animal. i tasted it, asked about it, was told it was veggie and then after dinner the chef mentions bacon grease. stomach is revolting.

That sounds about right..

The Recipe For Lacie

3 parts Mischief
2 parts Sexiness
1 part Laughter

Splash of Magnetism

Finish off with an olive
I think I'd be a very good slacky. I have the week off, and with the best of intentions to get some personal stuff clean-up.. but all I want to do is sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. So instead of being uber physically productive today, I'm working on mentally challenging things like taxes, resume, job searching.
Still blurry eyed from the flight home.. Paris and London rocked so hard. Full details to come, but oh man, the urge to sell everything and travel around the world is fierce. Bonne nuit mes amies. 
Funny shit people.. funny shit.

"KNOW THIS. I've got my eye on you 16th street loading Zone meter between Valencia and Guerrero this ain't over."
I'm having a bit of a conundrum. I finished all my work and technically I should be able to leave work.. but know my team wouldn't really love that. So I'm here, doing stuff, but would rather be at REI looking at gear for my travels.

Quelle est une fille à faire ?